Now old Mr. Johnson had troubles of his own
He had an old yellow cat that wouldn’t leave home
Tried everything he knew to do to keep the cat away
Took him up to Canada And told him for to stay.
But the cat came back, the very next day
The old cat came back
Thought he was a goner, but the cat came back
‘Cause he wouldn’t stay away.
On the telegraph wire the birds were sittin’ in a bunch
Saw an even number, thought he’d’ have ‘em for his lunch
Climbed softly up the pole, until he reached the top
Put his foot upon the electric wire, tied him in a knot...
This old cat had company out in the backyard
Somebody threw a boot, and threw it awful hard
Hit the cat behind the ear and he thought it was a slight
And down came a brick and knocked him out of sight...
They threw him in the kennel where the dog was asleep
And the bones of cats lay piled in a heap
That ol’ kennel burst apart and the dog flew out the side
With his ears chewed off and holes in his hide...
They sneaked into the shop with the butcher not around
And they dropped him in the hopper where the meat was ground
The old cat disappeared with a blood—curdling shriek
And that shop’s hamburger tasted furry for a week...
They put him in a cotton sack and give him to a girl
Who was startin’ on a bicycle all around the world
Well over there in China a terrible wreck was found
She’s singin’ now in heaven with the angels all around...
Now this cat was a terror and they thought it would be best
To give him to a feller who was goin’ out west
Train ran around a curve and hit a broken rail
Not a blessed soul aboard the train lived to tell the tale...
They gave the old cat to the man in the balloon
And they told him to give him to the man in the moon
Well the balloon, it busted and everybody said,
“Ten miles away they picked a man up dead”...
Well at last they found the way this cat they’d really fix
They put him in an orange crate on highway 66
Come a ten ton truck with a twenty ton load
Scattered pieces of the orange crate a mile down the road...
They put him on a boat bound for Cambridge town
They thought with all the rain there, he’d surely drown
When the rain come down on the ninety-second day
The whole darn city just a-floated out the bay...
Now the farmer on the corner said he’d shoot the cat on sight
And he loaded up his gun with nails and dynamite
And he hid in the garden till the cat come around
Seven little pieces of the man was all they’ found...
Well they put him on the White House lawn
I’ll tell you the reason why, they thought with all those
Golf balls flyin’ there, he’d surely die.
The very next morning, what do you think they found,
Ninety-four squirrels lyin’ dead upon the ground...
They took him down to Cape Canaveral
and they put him in a place
And they shot him in a satellite way into space
They thought that cat was beyond human reach
Then they got a phone call from Miami Beach, sayin’...